I'm moving

Starting today I’ll no longer be living in Denial Florida (that’s near Crazytown by the way) I’ve carefully packed my bags, leave all the crap in that big pit and I’m burying it where it belongs.  

For about a year I’ve blogged regularly on this blog and  I’ve told you all  about what I’m doing or what I intend to do but somewhere along the way, things got lost, got pushed aside or just plain got screwed up. I thought I had gotten rid of a lot of baggage but I must have left a return address because it keeps showing back up on my doorstep. I’ve lost and gained the same 20 pounds over and over again for the past year. It’s been a viscous circle of ups and downs. I could sit here and give you reasons, illness, holidays, remodeling but does it matter? There will always be something going on in life that make conditions less than perfect. Good intentions aren’t enough. Exercise without diet, diet without exercise, been there done that. Diet and exercise, fall down, stay down, wallow in self pity for a while, cry, wallow some more, hate myself and then slowly dig out of this pit only to fall back into it a few days, weeks, months later.

I’m filling the pit with the excess baggage and I’m inviting you to do the same thing. Lets fill up the pits we keep falling into, put up warning signs and caution tape and let’s keep from falling in those pits of denial and despair.

So I thought, where do I go from here? I’ve spent the past year changing what I eat, how I eat, how I move and it’s just not clicking, all the pieces of the puzzle are there but I’m not able to put them all together. So I took a step back and mentally looked down from above at everything. I talked to my family and a few friends. With their input I’ve created a 12 week plan for myself.

After reflecting I realized that I get discouraged when the weight loss stops or when things slow down. Instead of buckling down, I start circling that deep pit and looking inside, taunting it and teasing it, putting one foot over the edge. Sitting on the edge and dangling my feet until I finally slip and fall and land on the bottom again.

I’ve clawed my way out of that pit so many times to get back to the weight I was before or the size I was before and then and only then would I feel like I’ve made progress. Enough already. I’m done with the pit. The pit is gone, I’ve burned the map and lost the keys. I’m no longer a resident in Denial Florida.

I know that I’ve made a LOT of progress in the past year. I’ve lost toxic friendships and gained new supportive ones. I’ve met a lot of wonderful people along the way. I’ve learned so much about myself and what my body is capable of and I’ve learned how easily you can lose that progress if you don’t keep up with it.

Instead of looking at the big picture, I’m breaking my life down into 12 week blocks of time. I’ve plotted a chart that starts today and goes through October 11^th. When I sat down to plan out 12 weeks I had no idea that it would end on October 11^th, which happens to be our wedding anniversary, but I’m really glad that it does because it’s a definitive date that I’m already looking forward to. Today I’m taking body measurements, photos and my weight using the scale that measures body fat and body water. I’ll take them again in 6 weeks and again at the end of the 12 week period. After 12 weeks I’ll share my results with you no matter how they turn out. For what it’s worth, I’m doing three days of strength training, 3 days of cardio and using the 7^th day as a flex day. I’ll rest if I need to rest but the flex day falls on Sunday which is typically a day that Ken and I spend together doing something active.

I have tried so hard to jump back on track and stay on track and I do well for a few days or a few hours but I allow myself to think about the big picture. I think about the 200 pounds I need to lose and suddenly it’s all I can think about. I get overwhelmed, discouraged, disgusted, lather, rinse, repeat and I'm left at the bottom of the pit staring up wondering what the hell just happened...over and over and OVER again. ENOUGH already! So I’m moving out of Denial USA, I’m canceling my membership  at that place I always go to in Crazytown and I’m moving on to new territory and this time, I've brought the map.