Monday, November 24, 2008

Diet Amnesia

I was looking at the website for Ruby on Style Network yesterday and she had posted some videos of herself and she said it was so she could look back and remember how far she’s come. It really made me stop and look back on my life and my past attempts at losing weight.

How often have I laid in bed at night full of hope and promises to myself that tomorrow would be different? That tomorrow I’d start a fresh new day and eat right and exercise? How many times have I overindulged in a big meal and regretted what I did? How many times have I been in a dressing room at the mall and cried because nothing fit or nothing looked the way I wanted it to look?

I have made so many promises to myself that this time would be different, that tomorrow would be better. That I’d make the right choices and eat healthy foods yet as soon as temptation was in my face or I became the slightest bit uncomfortable I’d go running back to my old lifestyle and if overindulgence, self pity and binge eating were a true lifestyle, I’d be the life of that party, belle of the ball, QUEEN OF THE UNIVERSE….ahem!

But so often the light of day made those night time promises and the sorrows of the day before just disappear as if they were never there, it was my very own selective self imposed diet amnesia. Why? Why do I do this to myself? Why have I repeated this pattern over and over again? In this year of self discovery the one thing I haven’t found or isolated is the trigger that sends me from living a healthy life to that place I like to refer to as Crazy Town?

I suppose that this is why I blog this crazy weight loss blog for the world to see and if I repeat myself in my blog, it’s for my own benefit and to prevent Diet Amnesia. This is a process of learning and understanding why I do the things I do. It’s about changing the way my mind reacts to food, it’s about changing my response to situations. It’s about finding the control while maintaining a delicate balance.

Right now I feel so strong and I’ve been doing great for weeks. I’m so proud of myself. I’m facing an upcoming holiday on Thursday and I have a plan to deal with this. Do normal people need to stress and worry about what they will eat on ONE DAY? From past history, I know that I can’t just have one day out of control. I can’t allow myself a one day free-for-all; I have to maintain this control or it will lead to weeks of out of control eating. Will next Holiday Season be different? Can I just eat without all of this planning and thought? I’m not really sure. What I do know is that for now I’m on the right track and I’m so fearful of falling off that track I can’t even express in words what’s going on in my head. Right now I have this strength coming from somewhere inside of me and I’m clinging to it as if my life depends on it and I write these words so that I can look back when I’m not feeling as strong and remember. The truth is I don’t want to have to read this post again. I don’t want diet amnesia to return.
Posted by Scale Junkie
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22 comments:

  1. please know that I am commenting this from such a place of love.

    and shall keep it brief but feel free to email me.

    IM SO PROUD OF YOUR FEELING STRONG. and so want you to keep riding that wave sans fear.

    sans this:
    I’m so fearful of falling off that track I can’t even express in words what’s going on in my head.


    only because I have so so so learned the hard way that when I fear. when I worry. that Im praying hard for things I DO NOT WANT.

    xo xo,

    Miz.
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  2. Know exactly how you feel. Plan for the days and try and chill about them. Holidays are just that - a break. Just so's you know I am dreading the upcoming weekends (over the pond - no Thanksgiving - phew!) as we have loads of meals out and dos pre Chrimble. Just keep reminding yourself that you are still there, and allowed the odd day where it goes pear shaped (no pun intended!) and you will have the strength to carry on tomorrow. And no, "normal" people don't have to stress about what they eat every day. ******** :))
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  3. I'm standing right beside you, Diana, as are we all.
    Use your strength as momentum. I am proud of your strength too!
    On T-Day, load up on protein & veggies, drink lots of water, breathe, enjoy the company. Suggest a walk outside if it becomes too much. And remember we're all out here helping to hold you up & help you cross the finish line.
    YOU can do this, Diana!!!
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  4. Oh, the heck with normal people. They're boring.

    One good thing about trying to improve yourself is that you learn a whole lot about yourself, your weaknesses and strengths.
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  5. Wow, I think I've thought that post in my head so.many.times...It's such a vicious cycle and it's so frustrating. I'm so glad that I started blogging. Not just to get out my own thoughts and frustrations but to read other blogs and gain insight and inspiration. We will win this battle.

    Faith
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  6. I can so relate. Hang in there! Be proud of how you are feeling now.

    Just_Kelly
    choosinglosing.blogspot.com
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  7. I can TOTALLY relate to this post. The hardest battle that we'll ever face in this weight loss war is in our minds.

    We're making headway now, Diana. Let's keep the momentum going... through the rest of this year... and into next. We can do this! And I'll be here with you every step of the way... so NEVER feel like you are alone in this.

    Hugs!
    C.C.
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  8. I know the feeling EXACTLY!!! I have it right now too!! I don't want to stop this good thing that I have going. Just keep in mind that one day of "turkey feast & goodness" is not worth it in the long run and will in no way benefit me or help me reach the goals I've set for myself! I just keep telling myself that and hopefully when Friday rolls around we won't be regretting what we ate the day before! Good luck!!
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  9. You're doing great! Right now I have been struggling with the whole promising my self tomorrow will be different. I have dissolved to asking myself how that can be? How will tomorrow be any different than any other time I've said that. So, today I just got up and started. This is the first day of the rest of my life and any promise I've made before no longer exists. My plan is to focus, and with that I'll come through for myself.
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  10. Thanks for sharing this post,it reflects how I feel on a regular basis as well. Good for you for planning. It's the best thing to do, and I can't have the one free for all day either, or I turn into a month or two. I think one day it will be easier but for today and your hard day to come, stay focused on your goals and stay strong. You will be SO proud that you did and you will reap the benefits =)
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  11. Great post and it describes the feelings every one of us feels at one time or another. Enjoy your holiday and be strong!
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  12. Oh Diana, I could have written this exact post, but not near as eloquently as you did. Thanks for sharing this. I'm sure there are many who have diet amnesia. I *LOVE* what MizFit wrote about praying for things you do not want. This "Laws of Attraction" concept is something I'm trying to live. You're doing awesome. Love your blog.
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  13. I can relate to everything that you wrote! I have had my far share of morning onset diet amnesia! Ride the wave and FEAR NOT!
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  14. I have also suffered from diet amnesia (and now I know what it is). :) We're going to get through this one step at a time ... and come out on the other end stronger and better than ever.
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  15. I love this post..and 'diet amnesia', what a great term. My hubs had a dr appt last month and said he needed to lose wieght and eat better and they put him on blood pressure meds. He had a cheeck up last week, after 1 month, and he was down 8lbs and blood pressure better, but pills still until a check up in 3 months. I don't even know how many times during that one month he was 'so tired' of dieting and working out....I kept having to stress that it is a slow process and you have to make small changes in order to change your life, you can't do it all in one night and expect it to work. I don't know if he beleives me yet, but he was surprised at his weight loss in the one month (he thought it couldn't be right, haha)so maybe he will stay with it with me....

    good luck to you through the holidays, and keep holding on to what you have been doing these last couple of weeks :)
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  16. Honestly, from experience (however limited it may be) I don't think we will ever eat like 'normal' people. But then again "normal is just a setting on the washing machine." Stay strong; A woman with a plan can't be stopped!
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  17. I too suffer from Diet Amnesia. Stick with the plan and keep up the good work. Maybe next year you won't have to be so strick but if you know one bad day will lead to more, you know what you have to do.

    Happy Thanksgiving.
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  18. Sounds like you're thinking ahead, that's great!

    But even if you do end up overeating a bit on Thanksgiving (almost everyone does!), it doesn't have to be the start of a bad trend. You've got control over that and you sound so strong! You can be back on track the next morning.

    I predict no diet amnesia this year.
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  19. its funny because that "one day" causes so much stress for people. it used to for me. Id either say screw it all and eat like a pig and feel ashamed, eat like a pig and continue eating like that afterwards, or I realized last year, I can actually enjoy myself in moderation. all of the stuff on the table - you can eat it, just dont use this "one day" as any type of excuse. dont let this day have any power over you, and I know that you wont keep repeating this. each time you go through soemthing like this, you get a little stronger so the next time around, you know better.
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  20. Oh, I know exactly what you mean! But this time I'm determined to replace my fears with affirmations. The ultimate rewards is much more important than momentary pleasures. You'll do fine!

    I also spent a lot of time trying to find the "smoking gun", the reason why I repeatedly sabotage myself. I don't think that I will ever truly know, even though I have found many clues. Once again, my strategy now is to strengthen my resolve, keep the goal very prominent in my mind and flood my whole being with positive thoughts. It's working!

    Good luck!
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  21. I hear you loud and clear.....I don't want diet amnesia either....

    thanks for keeping the HYC going in 2009. Even when we trip and fall, it's good that we're all here together and can help each other back up again. Thanks for being the one to make the effort.

    Cheers and have a great day of Thanksgiving.
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  22. Wow how did you get into MY head and put into words of what I was feeling and thinking? I know it sounds silly to most people but it truely is a "fear" of losing control that causes me the most stress on Thanksgiving day. I guess you have to have "been there" emotionally to totally understand. Most people say "just let it go for ONE day" Don't they understand that there is no "ONE day" for us...it becomes eternal? *sighs... stand strong sister! Your not alone...I am here too!
    Hugs to you Diana and have a great "turkey" day!!
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