reflections on 2009

I talk a lot on the blog but if you met me in person you'd say I was quiet. Looking back over the past year I did a lot of talk about learning to listen to my body and stop at just enough I did a few public weigh ins that were a good motivator at first until the scale slowed down and then my mood went spiraling downward until I realized it was time to admit I was addicted to food.  and I battled binge eating and where did it get me? I learned a lot about myself and I explained what it was like to be seduced by a binge.

I like to think I made a lot of good progress over the year but I won't lie, this has been a very rough year for me. I should probably just say, its been a rough decade. I've given out a few details here and there but for the most part I've kept it all bottled up inside and maybe thats part of my problem. I divert, distract and spin my way through life and I'm quite accomplished at it. I've learned that I'm changing and I'm not the same girl I was when I started this blog. I've also learned that I'm resilient.

A biggy for me has been giving up artificial sweeteners  Its been over 7 months since I've had splenda or any other artificial sweetener. Do I feel better? Well I don't feel worse. I decided to stop playing the crazy scale game and stop trying to figure out where my weight was two weeks ago, I'm just looking at where I am now compared to my highest weight ever.

Giving up artificial sweetener also taught me something important about sugar, I've learned that sugar is NOT my friend.  Seriously...the things it does to my body. Flying high and crash and burn.

I discovered I love chocolate flavored coffee beans but they make me crave real chocolate.

I drank a lot of coffee with Natalia...Starbucks should hire us to be their spokespeople.

I made a few leaps of faith, dealt with some hard emotions  and made a few scarves  while fighting off the demons that have haunted me

...and then my blogging slowed right now because I had the itch that wouldn't go away  the mystery hives/rash that lasted for FOUR MONTHS and that I'm still healing from. An illness that required lots of medication and took its toll on my health  and left me mentally and physically exhausted.

So here it is the last day of 2009, the last day of a very difficult decade and while I know a tick of the clock and the flip of a calendar won't make things better overnight. I'm feeling hopeful that my life is headed in the right direction again.


Happy New Year Everyone, I hope 2010 makes all of our dreams come true!