Metromint!!!

I went into Sweetbay grocery store yesterday to grab two things, Horizon Organic Milk and Stoneyfield Farms Organic Yogurt...thats it! Well you know how that goes...I've come out with a new addiction...Metromint Water

I had just run a bunch of errands and I was hot and thirsty and wanted something cold and refreshing and as you all know I'm not drinking stuff with artificial sweeteners anymore. In the cold case next to the milk they had a few beverages and one in particiular caught my eye, a tall skinny bottle with brown dots with those magic word combo...chocolate and mint. My instinct was to grab several bottles because chocolate and mint...how could you go wrong? But then I thought, what if I don't like it? How can water really taste like chocolate and mint? All of this thinking made me even thirstier and I thought...just open it up and try it now..... just go ahead...open it, you're going to pay for it anyhow so its not like its a crime to open it now and take a drink otherwise I could die of dehydration before I ever make it to the check out.......so I opened it and tried it right there and then. And then I put a few more bottles in my shopping cart because it was SO GOOD!!!

It tastes like chocolate and mint but its just purified water with natural flavorings, zero calories, zero fat, zero everything but a fantastic flavor. How perfect is that when I want something chocolate but don't want the calories?

I bought three bottles and I noticed the bottle had something called a Chill Factor -2 on it and other bottles had different numbers. I checked out the website and apparently certain flavors taste colder or cooler. I've noticed when I put lime juice in ice water it tastes a lot colder and its a lot more refreshing, they add mint for an even cooler taste. I noticed they had other fruity flavors with mint as well as just peppermint and spearmint.

Today we were out doing errands and we stopped back in Sweetbay and since I was very thirsty I thought I'd try the peppermint with a Chill Factor of -9...WOW!!! Kind of like when you take a drink of cold water when you have a mint in your mouth, WOW its cold but very refreshing.




Of course now I want to go to Costco and see if they sell them by the case. I'm loving this stuff!




FYI this is not a paid review because you know I don't do those. This is just me trying something and liking it and sharing it with you. However if the people at Metromint want to send me a few cases I'd be more than happy to sample them all and heck I'd even share them with you!

Food Snob meets Sweet Intoxication

I’ve become a food snob. No I’m not seeking out expensive caviar or an entire Kobe beef cow, I’m looking for the highest quality everyday foods in their most natural state, preferably pesticide and drug free. I'm trying to put better things in my body.

So I head to my local Publix grocery store and look for their Greenwise labels mixed in throughout the store and I feel my stomach do a little flip-flop as I pass all of the highly processed foods I’ve consumed in mass quantity in the past. I walk right by the transfat and high fructose corn syrup laden buy one get one free cookies. Potato chips and corn chips 2 for $4, you are NOT coming home with me. I head over to the bakery to snag a tub of the special banana pudding that Ken does backflips for and I tell myself not to inhale and smell the sugary goodness that surrounds me. And this is where my problem begins.

I think they secretly pay people to stand around the bakery department and block the aisles so fat people like me who innocently try to breeze through and grab one thing are forced to linger there longer and stare down the cookies, sugar glazed fruit topped cakes (yes I know its real fruit but that shine is pure sugar) while I wait for the mommy with six screaming kids to each pick their own cookie flavor from the freebie cookie bin, while screaming because HERS IS BIGGER and I just want to say, hey kid, life sucks like that sometimes, get over it and stop being obsessed with having the biggest cookie or you'll end up with the biggest ass...like mine...but I don't...and I realize I can't get through the bakery department while holding my breath and I'm forced to breathe in that sweet smell. Damn it smells good.


As I gasp and choke on the sugary air I see an opening in the crowd and I'm able to burst through the bakery and into the deli that leads to the safe zone...produce. Ahhhhhh produce, veggies and fruits, my friends, my best friends in the whole wide grocery store, how nice to see you again. In this department I can have anything I want, anything at all and its good for me. But that bakery smell is still lingering. I'm breathing and I'm still smelling the bakery. Are they piping in that sweet smell to lure me back to the brownies with cream cheese frosting that attempted to jump into the shopping cart just moments before? Is it on my clothes the way cigarette smoke lingers on your clothes after visiting a smokey bar? This wasn't vile like that, it was intoxicating sweet deliciousness. Oh it smelled divine and I felt weak in the knees as I followed the scent. It was like bakery sweet ten times over. It was so strong and oh so delicious smelling.


I pushed my shopping cart blindly as my nose looking for the source of the sweet. I was going to figure out the secret behind this smell. I was going to find the duct work and fan they used to pipe the bakery smell into the produce department and then I was going to call the investigative news reporting tv station and I was going to demand they do an expose on the grocery store and their attempts to lure people to the bakery and then I was going to call governor and demand he take action too. And then I was going to the Pope himself. Oh yeah! I had a plan to stop this evilness.


I rounded the corner and looked up to see three or four employees hard at work. They smiled sweetly as they went about their work. They were clearly intoxicated by the scent too. They were the source of the bakery sweet smell and all of my conspiracy theories went out the window as I pushed my shopping cart closer and looked into the back where they were hard at work chopping fresh fruit salad. The amazing sweet smell...fresh fruit. For a second I trembled as I reached into the case of fruit salad cups. This smelled better than the bakery. I stopped and I took a very deep breath of the intoxicating sweet smell and enjoyed every second of that high.

Healthy You Challenge Check In Week 21, 2009

I hope you all had a good Memorial Day Weekend (US) and good Spring Bank Holiday weekend (UK) Not sure if anyone else had a holiday this weekend or not. Whatever the case, I hope you've had a great week.

The highlight of my week last week was definitely meeting two fellow bloggers for coffee! And if any of you ever visit the Tampa Bay area be sure to let me know if you'll have time to meet up for a cup of coffee, its just so much fun to meet face to face and hang out for a while in the real world.

WELCOME 

I'm losing it, and learning to live a healthy life!
http://imlosingitandlearning.blogspot.com/

When I Look in the Mirror
http://whenilookinthemirror.wordpress.com/

Pass the Tofu
http://passthetofu.blogspot.com/

Ah Me So Hongry
http://mesohongry.blogspot.com/

If you'd like to join the HYC please read about it HERE and then email me at healthyyouchallenge at gmail dot com with your blog name and blog URL.


For the rest of us, lets sign in below! 

UPDATE!!! Mister Linky is now working! Please sign in below if your name isn't already on the list.

 

Dear fellow restaurant patrons

Yes I'm a big woman and yes I need to lose weight but that doesn't mean I don't have the right to be in a restaurant enjoying a meal. When you turn around in your chair several times to stare and then whisper and then your whole table turns around to stare...and you're not kids, you're middle aged adults...yes there is something wrong with YOU more than there is wrong with me. This isn't middle school.

When I go out in public I brush my hair, I wear some makeup and my clothes are always clean. There isn't a green and purple alien circling my head trying to get your attention so you don't need to stare and point. For the record I ordered the egg white omelet  with mushrooms and onion topped with salsa with a side of fruit. I enjoy this restaurant because they have healthier options, don't ruin it for me. I'm making better choices these days. I'm exercising and eating healthy but I understand you don't know that. You can't tell that I've already lost weight. You don't know anything about me so please don't stop passing judgment on me. Its not like I was eating with my fingers, slurping from the bowl and belching loudly...I only do that at home.

And to the woman waiting for her table when we were leaving...you're OH MY GOD wasn't subtle at all and you didn't need to nudge your husband and get him to stare too. Its just rude.

I'm already self conscious and going out in public is a huge step in the right direction for me, please don't add your judgment to the mix.

Sincerely,
The fat woman in the corner

as luck would have it...

You know how it is when you have plans to do something and then life gets super busy and your plans sort of just get pushed aside? That sort of explains my life right now.

I feel like I'm going in a million different directions at once. Yesterday I put everything on hold and did something fun. I had coffee with TWO of my fellow bloggers.

I've mentioned that Natalia from Embracing the Journey lives sort of near me. We each drive 45 minutes once in a while to meet up in the middle for coffee...worth every mile it takes to get there. We always have such great conversation.

Yesterday we were very lucky because we had the privilege of having coffee with none other than the super fabulous Cammy from Tippy Toe Diet. If you've read Cammy's blog you know how amazing she is but to meet her in person is just WOW! She is simply beautiful inside and out and so inspirational. She is one of those people you can sit down and talk to and feel like you've known her your whole life.I just love her!

I had about two hours of sleep the night before but as soon as I got there I felt so energized being around these two. We talked for what felt like a little over an hour when it fact over three hours had passed!

We were talking about life and driving/traffic around the Tampa area when a man at the next table who I suspected was listening to our conversation interjected and added his comments. The three of us went back to our conversation and it eventually turned to the dynamics of blogging and once again the guy from the next table jumped into our conversation and tell us all about his blog and his company...and thats just how irresistible we are. I sort of suspect he was disappointed when we left and took our entertaining conversation with us.

And yes we talked about all of you but don't worry we only had nice things to say :-)

Healthy You Challenge Check In Week 20, 2009

Week 20? Can that be right? WOW! Another week. How has everyone been doing?

Name change/rejoin

The Amazing Weight Loss Journey  is now Goodbye Plumptious!
http://www.weightlossjourneybyplumptious.blogspot.com/


WELCOME!

The Daily Mel
http://www.thedailymel.com/

Watch My Butt Shrink
http://watchmybuttshrink.blogspot.com/

Drop 150
http://drop150.blogspot.com/

Actual Scale
http://actualscale.blogspot.com/

If you'd like to join the HYC please read about it HERE and then email me at healthyyouchallenge at gmail dot com with your blog name and blog URL.


For the rest of us, lets sign in below! 

Day 5 Artificial Sweetener Free, Day 3 Binge Free

I've heard people say that if you feel hungry between meals to have a piece of sugar free gum. I don't chew gum often but I do find that when I do, I can't chew just one piece. It was common for me to sit and chew through a five or six sticks of gum over the course of an afternoon. I started to notice a pattern and after careful tracking and monitoring of everything I ate, I traced a health issue back to sugar free gum and mints. The issue: intense heartburn and pain in my breast bone. So I quit chewing gum and using mints with artificial sweeteners and no more pain.

I have heard a lot of the reports over the past few months that link artificial sweeteners with increased sugar cravings and calorie consumption. You can go read all of the technical terms and get a professional explanation but here is the gist of it in Scale Junkie talk: The studies have shown that when we consume something artificially sweetened our bodies expect the full calorie hit from the food. So when we drink that bottle of diet soda our bodies think YAY here comes 200 calories and what do they get? A big fat let down. Our bodies are like spoiled children and the temper tantrum to get its 200 calories begins. To get its revenge it sends the cravings into overdrive and repays us buy not only tricking us into eating more calories but by storing more fat just in case we trick them again in the future. Sometimes we can resist the extra calories, sometimes we can't. I realize this may not be true for all people but was it true for me and what does it mean for me?

I'll tell you what it means, it just bites! Especially considering how many artificially sweetened drinks and products I use in a day. But still I thought the reports were probably someone being overly dramatic and I pretty much dismissed it because I know they weren't talking about me. I'd just be stronger that that. But I wasn't. I haven't been. And I could go down the road of self loathing for my weakness but I won't.

A few years ago I decided to change my lifestyle: I'd eat lean meats, fresh veggies, whole grain products and healthy fats. Sounds like the perfect plan doesn't it? So why haven't I reached my goal by now? Why has my weight yoyo'ed? Why am I sitting at the same weight I was at 2 years ago today? Yes I'm down over 50 pounds from my highest weight ever and I do believe that had I not decided to make these changes I'd be at or over 500 pounds by now if not dead.

So why haven't I lost the rest of this weight? Because of the binge eating habit. When I binge eat all of that "no transfats, no high fructose corn syrup, no enriched flour product, eat organic foods whenever possible" way of eating goes completely out the window and its a free-for-all. Eating 1500 calories one day and 5000 the next, is it any wonder I haven't lost weight?


Still too complicated for my brain? Let me break it down further. Would I rather have a beat up old car that breaks down all of the time or a sleek sports car? Would I rather wear cheap plastic shoes or a pair of quality made shoes? Would I rather sleep on the ground or on a plush pillow top mattress? Now I'm not a rocket scientist but shouldn't I look at those statements and think, DUH this is a no brainer. So why is it so challenging when it comes to making the right choices for my body?


When I eat junk, I feel like junk.

When I eat healthy, I feel good.

Quite simple. No heavy math there. Not the first time I've made this revelation.  But something was still missing. Something kept pushing my binge trigger.

Five days ago I stopped using artificial sweeteners. Its been a huge adjustment and yes I kicked and screamed about it for the first two days. Black coffee with a splash of milk, no sugar.  Smoothies sweetened with extra fruit instead of artificial sweeteners. The first few days I honestly didn't notice a difference in how I felt other than missing the sweetness of my coffee. Yesterday Ken and I went to the coffee shop and I ordered an iced coffee with no sugar and I stared at the bakery case full of tempting goodies that always leaves me dreaming of it for the rest of the day and I can honestly say that I wasn't tempted. Day four and my sugar cravings were gone...amazing. I didn't think it was possible. Not just my cravings for sweets but my cravings for other binge favorites too and the desire to binge. Is there a connection between artificial sweeteners and binge eating? Maybe there is, maybe there isn't. I'm not sure how it will play out yet, I just know that today is day five and I feel good.

Another Round of Things We Do For Love

Its that time of the year again. Time for Sadie and Maxx to head to the vet for their comprehensive exam. And for those of you thinking so what the dogs are going to the vet, take a few Tylenol and go watch the videos of the last time I took them to the vets...

....I'll wait here.

are you back?

Does your head hurt?

I'm sorry.

That visit was for booster shots and I had to wait with them. This morning is a drop off visit but the crazy behavior will start as soon as we turn on the road that leads to the vets. When we enter the parking lot the panting will start, the attempts to chew through the lead and just about anything else you can think of to attempt to escape...and that's just Sadie. Maxx will decide he needs me to hold him. Like a shy child he'll hide behind my pant leg and then attempt to get me to hold him by putting his paws up my leg and when I look at him giving a little JUMP.50 pounds of dog wanting to be held like a 2 pound designer handbag dog. Can you pass that Tylenol now?

Its so stressful to leave my dogs in a situation that causes them so much distress. My challenge of the day will be to NOT turn to comfort food after this drop off. There will be no Chik-Fil-A drive through, there will be no stops at Target or Walmart for binge food. I will come home and accomplish some of the tasks I need to accomplish and today will be a good day. A binge free day. A productive day. A day filled with education, exercise and healthy meals and picking up Sadie and Maxx in the afternoon.

Taking them to the vet despite their protests is an act of love because I care about their well being and long term healthy. So when I protest eating healthy and exercise maybe I need to remember taking the dogs to the vets and know that I do what is best for them out of love, so why not do what is best for myself out of love. I've seen friends and have known people that do everything for their children (or in my case dogs) but don't take as good of care of themselves. They need us to be healthy too.

Healthy You Challenge Check In Week 19, 2009

Another week gone, another week closer to our goals! How was your week? Good...great job. Not so good...today is a great day for a fresh start!

WELCOME!



searching for belly button
http://the-weigh-we-were.blogspot.com/

Weigh Down 2009
http://weighdown2009.blogspot.com/

4meandmy2boys
http://4meandmy2boys.blogspot.com/

Losing Jenny
http://www.losingjenny.blogspot.com/

Wishful Shrinkin
http://wishfulshrinkin.blogspot.com/

The Healthy Hottie Project
http://www.healthyhottieproject.blogspot.com/

Work In Progress
http://mommie2lea.blogspot.com/

Fat Girl Slim
http://www.thefatgirlslimblog.blogspot.com/

finding my way

Last night I dreamed of things from the past. There were people from my childhood who I had found, some welcomed being found, others wanted to stay hidden. Along the way I got lost. I started living a life that wasn't mine. Its hard to explain but in this dream I was a different person, not a bad life or a good life, just a different life. It didn't focus on if I was fat or skinny, successful or a failure, it was just ordinary every day occurrences.

One of the last scenes I recall playing out in my dream was running into an old friend. We said goodbye as an I'll see you when I see you kind of thing and I headed off to catch a flight for a business trip. Nothing about this life seemed familiar or comfortable. It really wasn't living, just merely existing. As I approached my gate to check in I was told I'd need to go back to the bus station because I had forgotten to check in down there too although I'm not quite sure why this was necessary. I just recall thinking that I didn't want to walk past that old friend again. I didn't want to have that awkwardness of another meeting when we had already said our goodbyes. I planned to sneak past them and find another way to my destination.

I walked and walked for what seemed like ages and I found myself lost, in an unfamiliar area and not sure where to go next. I looked down and I saw my dog Max. I wasn't sure where he came from but he was familiar, he was a connection to my life and he turned and looked at me over his shoulder as if to say: follow me. I knew in an instant I was right where I needed to be and that Max would help me find my way home again.

Typically when I wake up, I can recall bits and pieces of my dreams but this entire section of my dream was quite clear and quite vivid. Sometimes I think dreams try to tell us things we already know. Last night when I went to bed I was a bit nervous. Thinking about all of the changes happening in my life and wondering how I'd make it all come together. I didn't let myself go to the place where you think: If I had just done this ages ago I wouldn't be doing it right now, instead I went there in my dream. 

Today I'm registering for a few more classes and pushing forward on my five year plan. Five years continuing education, improving my health and living the life I want to live instead of just existing.  I'm pretty sure that my dream was telling me that I'm on the right path in life and that I shouldn't doubt myself. If I get lost, there will always be someone waiting to hold out their hand and help me along the way.

Big Thank You!

Thanks to Bella at Bella On the Beach  Natasha at Girl Stuck In A Rut  and Honi at Healthy Honi  and Chubby Chick at Journey to Lose 200 Pounds who awarded me with the Your Blog Is SUPER award from The Masked Mommy.

Here’s what you do when you have received the “Super Blogger” award:
-Tape it up on your blog somewhere.
-Pass it along to 5 fellow super bloggers, and comment on their blog to let them know how lucky they are today!
-When you present your Super Blogger awards, link back to the super blogger who gave it to you.

You all know that picking just five blogs is nearly impossible for me...so I just can't do it. I think you're all fabulous so consider yourself nominated!

I was high when I wrote this post

...and I'm not ashamed to admit it. My husband got me hooked again and I'm not quitting until I die. I know its hard to understand and maybe shocking so let me try to explain.



Have you ever had someone tell you they just read a classic series of novels for the first time and it was so fabulous? They ask if you've ever read it before and you have but its been a while so the details are a bit foggy. They want to discuss it in great detail but you can't quite recollect the whole plot or how it ends. They tell you its such a feel good book, like a drug they just can't get enough of and they can't wait to read all of the books in the series. You're left standing there scratching your head and saying "was it really that good?" Even if you haven't I'm sure you can imagine how it would feel. They are in a different place. Maybe you felt that way when you were in their shoes but its been too long and that magic is gone. You aren't sure but you'll do anything to feel good again so you're willing to try.



I just dusted off my classic series and decided to try to feel that high again. I wanted to see if I could recapture that magic and feel that good again. Let me tell you, the magic is back. The good flying high as a kite feeling is back. I feel young and alive again. I I feel younger, more alert and better than any drug could ever make me feel. I don't ever want to lose this feeling again and I want everyone to feel this way too.



Of course I'm sure most of you know by now that I'm not really talking about a classic novel but rather exercise. I had lost the plot. I had forgotten just how good intense exercise can make you feel. Oh sure I still spin the dogs around the block for about a mile just about everyday but our pace has been lackadaisical at best. Over the past few days I've picked up the pace and added extra workouts to my day. Yes the same type of workouts I was doing a year ago that felt so good and I didn't want to ever stop but I did and why? Because the house was being remodeled and it was easier to just not exercise and eat lots of unhealthy takeout than it was to take the time to find ways to exercise and eat right. Excuses excuses excuses.



My stress levels have been sky high and my mood has been so down and dark. I thought I had it under control and then something or someone would trigger me and I'd go tumbling off the cliff into that pit again. I suppose I could have gone to the doctor and asked for a prescription to elevate my mood but instead my sweet husband gently reminded me how good I felt last year when I was moving my body and exercising. He also very gently reminded me that I complained less about aches and pains and in general I was much happier and more fun to be around. Of course he did it in such a way that I didn't even realize until after the fact that he had been pushing me to exercise again.



I'm starting to trust myself around foods again. I know its hard for most people to understand but if I've gone to the grocery store this week I've brought a limited amount of money and saved the receipt and put it up on the fridge so I'd be accountable for the food I bought. No sneaking in a half gallon of chocolate trinity ice cream and hiding it in the garage freezer behind the chicken breasts, no Toblerone tucked in my handbag for "emergencies" and no secret stashes of foods. Binge eating is like a disease to my body. Right now I need discipline. I need control. I need accountability. I need the only drug that help me...exercise.



If you've lost that high, if you've lost that magic, I'm here to tell you it can be yours again and it feels so DAMN GOOD! Get high on exercise with me.

do you ever feel like someone is watching you

I've mentioned a few times that I live in Florida about a mile from the Gulf of Mexico, in fact, the entire west side of my county touches the Gulf of Mexico.

Yesterday Ken was in the north part of our county and he called to ask me to look up the distance between two addresses. I opened Google Maps and left the map open on my right monitor just in case he called back needing more info and went back to finishing up a few emails.

Have you ever felt like someone was watching you? The hairs on the back of your neck stand up and you look around only to see that you are in a room with the curtains closed and if you have pets, they are in another room. You are all alone but there are eyes.

I glanced over at the map and I saw a face....right there in the coastline...a face. Do you see it too?

Look just to the left of center in this photo and see if you can see the face

Here I've zoomed in and you can see the eyelid and nostril quite clearly defined.

I guess its a good thing it doesn't look like anyone famous, when I lived in Clearwater the Virgin Mary was spotted on a building just around the corner from my townhouse and it became a media sensation and a place of worship for the faithful...getting to work was a nightmare.

The image does seem to be feminine to me and she's wearing a ribbon and lace necklace. If you still can't see the face, I've indicated where I see things.

Is there a name for people who tend to see images in ordinary things? Erm, other than crazy? :-)

So do you see the face? Does it look like anyone to you? Should I contact my local chamber of commerce? The Florida tourism board? Governor Charlie Crist? The Vatican?

Anyhow, if the face off of our coast line does become world famous and you all decide to visit this landmark in middle of nowhere Florida be sure and let me know, I live a few miles to the south, we do lunch :-)

Note: I have not edited or enhanced these photos other than adding labels to the bottom photo.

Healthy You Challenge Check In Week 18, 2009

Another week! How are you all doing? Last week seemed to be a mixed bag so lets hope everyone has a great week this week.

Welcome

Like A Model, With A Little More Ass
http://likeamodelwithalittlemoreass.blogspot.com/

A New Me
http://takincareofme.blogspot.com/

If you'd like to join the HYC please read about it HERE and then email me at healthyyouchallenge at gmail dot com with your blog name and blog URL.


For the rest of us, lets sign in below!

I don't care if you can see my underwear

Stress has me slipping down that torturous spiral again.

It looks a little something like this

and for extra emphasis a side view.

Imagine the green is the ground and all of those layers are rock leading down to a deep dark pit...and before you ask,  yes I watched Journey to the Center of the Earth again this weekend :-)



Today I find myself stepping out of the self loathing and self pity layer and grabbing onto the rope to begin my climb towards the top. Did you ever have to climb the rope in gym class? Oh how I dreaded when they'd have climb the rope day. I couldn't do it then but now I have help. I have an arsenal of information, workout equipment and a fabulous support system. I have on my workout clothes and I'm ready to work hard to reach my goals. This isn't like gym class when I was afraid I'd be just like that girl who was two classes ahead who got her shorts snagged on the rope and ended up flashing her underwear to the entire fourth grade class...no I wasn't going to be that girl back then then so I never really tried. But today..this girl...this WOMAN knows that I can do whatever it takes to reach my goal. Even if it means flashing a bit of underwear.

good is good enough

Soon I'll head off to part two of my two week course that I was nervous about last Saturday. I don't have the same fear or anxiety today about the seat but rather about the assignment. I haven't been feeling so great this past week and I did a half assed job on my homework assignment. I could have done so much more but I wanted to keep it simple. Do you have any idea how hard it is for me to keep it simple? Do you know how much I'm struggling with my inner perfectionist because I know I could have done better?

Back to my homework of creating a website...I had a complete brain block. There are many topics I'd like to write websites on but nothing I'm ready to do right now. So I took the easy way out and picked a topic that I'm the premiere world expert on...Sadie and Max. To pass the class I have to write the code for a website and it has to be publishable. Now I'm not going to buy a domain name for my dogs so I set out in search of free webhosting. Yes he went on and on AND on last week about the ads on a freebie site and how buying a domain and paying for hosting is so much better but come on people, this is a one credit class. A freebie site will do because I'm going to hit publish, get my grade and then head home and delete the site. Sadie and Max already have their own blog, they don't need a website. That being said, you know if I weren't feeling like BLAH this past week I would have created something elaborate and over the top so yes I'm rationalizing my half assed job knowing full well it probably surpassed the majority of the people in my class. Its good enough. It doesn't need to be perfect. Its good enough. Its a ONE credit class, I don't need to be the BEST. I don't need to outdo everyone else. I don't need to show off. I don't need approval or praise from anyone in that class. I'm good enough. I am enough.

The inner perfectionist spills over into so many aspects of my life and causes so much stress. Can we just tell her to shut the hell up already? Can someone help me find a balance in my life? Can I finally let go of the all or nothing mentality?