GNATS!!!

Yes I supposed that technically swinging your arms wildly does count as exercise but these gnats have got to go!

I couldn't figure out where they were coming from but I knew there was a problem. Sadie, my 60 pound Labrador retriever mixed with coward, had her head stuffed under the sofa hiding from them blissfully unaware that the rest of her body was exposed to the little demons. Hundreds of tiny little gnats were flying around the house. Yes Sadie is afraid of flying bugs, even gnats. And NO since you asked Cesar Millan has not answered my emails to help with this matter either.

I quickly located their port of entry, a plant that I brought in from the patio to replant in the house because its way too hot to be outside had apparently been the source, I removed the plant but the gnats didn't leave with it, in fact they were multiplying. Now it was my job to get rid of the little suckers. They're annoying, they make my skin itch and I inhaled one through my nose just as I was drifting off to sleep for my afternoon nap.

I jumped up from the recliner and headed to google a way to kill these pests. Several sights recommended apple cider vinegar and as luck would have it (read they were on sale B1G1 last month), I had four bottles on hand. I followed several of the methods and made traps for them. I used cups covered with plastic wrap and small holes. I used a plastic bottle with the top cut off and the top inverted and the bottom filled with an apple cider vinegar and sugar mixture. The scent of vinegar is supposed to attract them.  There was no way they could resist my collection of swimming pools, it was time for the gnats to start checking into to Casa del Vinaigrette

A bottle and a half of apple cider vinegar and several spoons of sugar later, the traps were set.  I left six of them out overnight thinking I'd awake to a cesspool of gnat carnage. I left three near light sources in case they were attracted by light and three in other random spots around the house for the night owls.

I should have known when I had to swat away a gnat while having my morning pee that it hadn't worked but I still entered the kitchen with a hopeful "well did it work"

"Your traps, they didn't trap a single gnat" he said while choking back a laugh.

"What? Not a one" Incredulously I went from trap to trap, swatting as I went, and he was right, no cesspool of gnatty carnage, just little bowls and bottles of vinegar. Damn those internet liars who said this would cure my gnat woes. "How is this possible? They should be dead"

"Maybe our gnats aren't like the average gnats" he said

"Leave it us to have special elite force of commando gnats trained to avoid being captured and immune to eau de apple cider" before I could continue my speculation that our gnats had some sort of super powers I heard  a few happy woofs from Sadie and Max and I knew it was my sister, they only bark like that for humans they know and like and with Ken and I here, that only left her. Since she often has treats in hand when she arrives they're always very happy to see her.

She walks through the door and I see her nose begin to twitch and sniff and her face crinkle and curl up. She asks "are you making SALAD FOR BREAKFAST" as she fans her nose with her hand "Its 9am why does it smell like vinegar in here"

Nice to see you too Ms Helpful. He can't hold back his laughter any longer and he starts to laugh and I mean laugh hard. In a karmic twist of fate, his laugh turns to a sputter and cough and I hear him say "I just inhaled a gnat"

Yep, definitely an elite force of commando gnats